i'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl who's still around the morning after.

one week until take-off. honestly, i know that i am addicted to spending money on myself, but there are actually a ton of necessities that one needs as an interviewee. for instance. i certainly cannot go to a professional interview with a purse that looks like a drag queen carried it. actually, i have two bags that drag queens have carried as part of their respective ensembles. anyways, most of my bags and shoes either came from the weigh-and-pay and look destroyed, or were once decent looking and i have since destroyed them by wearing the shit out of them. so. point being. this is very important. first impressions are crucial in the workplace. i have never really been into wearing "nice things" because they don't have too much character, but i guess this is just one of those times.
in other news, the indefatigable ms. aly is now working at the LTK with me! however, saturday is my last day before i begin to tread the treacherous waters of unemployment again. but, you know, hopefully it will be very temporary.

...i am going to the city that my favorite musician of all time used as his muse. eep! maybe i will go on an elliott smith memorial tour by myself to division st. and the rose parade and alameda and what not.
have i mentioned that i am excited? it is finally setting in and taking away the anxiety. i am just plain elated that i am getting the fuck away from this town and these people (except from the ones i love here, of course) and these memories and beginning anew so i can create and love and flourish. my anticipation and excitement currently know no bounds. also: applying at powell's books today! yay!
anyways. i have things to do and people to see today before i work my little ass off tonight. gird your loins.

why can't i get a hold of kendra, goddamnit?

working on kurt's project today was a ton of fun. 

btw, i love him.

a good day altogether.

also, yerba mate is amazing.

adventure, ahoy! 

woe.

i am really, really broke.
...but rich of spirit!
(actually, i've been fairly sad lately, mainly because everyone around me is stressed and frustrated and also sad. see: kat, kurt, my mother, etc.)
i have a tattoo appointment today but i am so poor that i may have to pay nick in installments, which is fairly pathetic. but it wouldn't be the first time.
in other news, anyone who thinks that couch-hopping is full of glamour and mystique is relatively misguided. it sucks not having anywhere to come home to, and nowhere to go when one is bored and the library is closed and friends are unavailable and money is an omnipresent issue.
le sigh.

i'm going to arizona, sex on the rocks all warm and red. and we bled.

i really do love modest mouse more than i love most things. and people. man. aly really is missing out here.
staying at ben's for a bit while he is out of town. he has a petite side-house/studio in someone's backyard. i refuse to stay at ben's alone (creeepy little house he's got there; very interesting chi) but i am not sure if his front neighbors will appreciate my constant parade of friends always coming and going in and out of the house. hopefully they just won't notice me much.
after last night's long talk, i feel completely and utterly rejuvenated and alive. i am still missing velvet every minute of every day, but i feel like i have a new lease on life, to use an awful cliche.
okay. new plan. going to make the most of things. be gregarious but not obnoxiously so. crack out of this shell a little bit. you know. blossom.

hopefully this will work. i am tired of being anxious and depressed and frustrated. then maybe the bad dreams will stop.
wish me luck.

coat check and i lost the number.

yesterday i put my dog to sleep.

velvet was truly a beautiful soul with nothing but compassion and love in her.
i could extol her virtues forever but no statement could ever convey her patience, infinite understanding, lack of judgment, and pure caring.
the moment of her egress was very trying, and i am still coping and crying a bit. give me time. i am glad kurt was there- so glad.
all i know is that i will miss her so very much.

in other news, i will be homeless as of this coming sunday. if you have a couch to spare, let me know.
so many transitions, this year. and so many to come. i am attempting to be less pusillanimous in my approaches to said transitions, both emotionally and mentally. so far this is going well. i am trying.
anyways. a hard week. but now aly and i are going to goodwill to waste our woes away on giant wildlife print t-shirts in the fashion of bret, FOTC-style.